After what you told two friends and me. You narrated your love life with your ex girlfriend. The ex who is my acquaintance. The ex who I see every time I go to the org room. I know too well that you don't love her anymore, and you don't want to do anything with her. But I know she still loves you. I don't know what I am really thinking. Because I was hurt when you told the story. It is like it is about me, too, but no. God, I think too much.
So you started off by telling the story of happened between you, her and a mutual friend of yours that same night. You told us that that mutual friend gave you something. Food maybe, that you really like and said it came from someone but that someone don't want to say who she is. You knew that it was from her- your ex. You said you eyed the package and after a while, you took it. You knew it was from her so you purposely left it on a bench. earlier that night she talked to you, she greeted you congratulations for a successful production. You ignored her.
I think I felt the hurt that she felt when you ignored her and did not take her gift for you. I understand the reason why you did it. It is to prevent her from thinking that there's still a chance but you could have at least did something to lessen the pain that she will feel because I know how it feels. It burns. I felt that you are somehow heartless because of that.
Hate me if you want. I know you hate women like her. Like me. The thing is, I see myself in her and I can't pretend I don't. We are both hopeless romantic. Right now, I think you see through me. That I am like her. That's why you ignore me sometimes and you don't talk to me like you used to. At least that's what I think. It crushes me. I can't stop thinking about it. I can't work properly.
And so, our friend asked what really happened between you two. You hesitated, but told us the story anyway. You stopped school for a year. You didn't say why you were alone for a year but I get it. And after that year without friends and social life, you met people. You become close to certain people in the organization, your org mom, org dad and her- your ex. You told us how you fell in love with her since she gave you special treatment and affection you haven't received in the past year, you started to think she was great. She pampered you like a king. (That's what I imagined) And you said she courted you. So you felt special back then.
I know you are her first as she said so in her posts but you think you were her second. I don't know what to believe and so I will just leave it there because it doesn't matter. I stalked you. Of course, I like you that's why I did that. I saw your pictures back then. You were happy. You and her. Dating. You and her and your family, her family. Everything was perfect. You also said that she is so diligent, she was willing to go to your house every time. Knowing that your house is very far from school. I think she was a perfect girlfriend in a way. But then..
But then you told us that you often fight. Mostly because of petty things. It may be a big deal for you but I think it is petty. You told a story. One example of a fight. You and your friends are having fun, drinking and all. You are with one girl. This girl is your ex's org daughter. She flirts with one of your friends that is taken. So after you told your ex to come over, you said that she should tell her daughter to behave and don't flirt with someone who has a girlfriend. Even if they all know she is drunk. What your ex did was she blamed your friend instead of her daughter. You got mad. I don't know, maybe? Then she stormed off because you proved a point. A very strong point against her. She knows you were right. After she stormed off, you continued having fun, you didn't check your phone for some time. and when you do check it, there are tons of messages that says: "Aren't you going after me? I am obviously pissed off." You were enraged. That was one of your big fights. You don't like those types of people. You like straight forward people.
She also easily gets jealous. In our organization, it is normal to be clingy. So when other girls come near you, she cries. I am proud to say that I am not like this. I don't cry. Maybe I cry, but I will not let you know and I will only cry if you go too far. But knowing you, she should've trusted you. I would've trusted you and brush it off. She gets jealous of one girl you cooked a meal with. You were mad because of this because it is obvious that you would cook with this girl because she as well knows how to cook. But she didn't understand that. She got jealous. She also got jealous of one time a girl sat on your lap. Yes. If I am not in the same organization as you, I would definitely flip. But no, It is understandable because as I have said earlier, in the organization, everybody is clingy. She cried every time. I understand. It is because she thinks that she can lose you anytime. Because she did the courting part. You didn't. I understand her perfectly. She lacks self- esteem.
With all of that piled up, you decided to break it up. I agree, it is a toxic relationship but if both you guys took being in a relationship seriously, it wouldn't have happened. You both decided to go into a relationship instantly. Maybe without thinking about it. I know I have no right to talk about you guys because I don't know the whole story. I know one side. And who am I to talk about this, I am an outsider. I only like you. What's that got to do with you?
You both didn't talk for months up to now actually, you blocked her in all of your social media accounts. I understand why you have to do that. She can be so... I can't think of a word but she posts a lot of things. Posts saying she got over you already but a few minutes later she says she misses you. That could be frustrating. I understand you in that part.
Now, back to real time, one of our friends said that she was living a fairy tale dream That she don't know how to handle relationships in real life. Well, that could be true but her past isn't considered. Did you ever asked yourself as to why is she acting like she did? Well, maybe not because you broke up with her in an instant. Without thinking that maybe you could fix her. Maybe you didn't love her deep enough to do that. That's the sad part. Love and being in a relationship doesn't mean that if you are tired, you would give up. You could slap me and say I don't know what I am talking about but did you ever consider staying? Because if you did love her enough, you would.
I realized why I am so heartbroken as I write this. It is because of you. What if. I am not thinking that it is possible but what if, I am to be in a relationship with you, and I am broken, you wouldn't fix me. Because maybe you would give up. And now I am thinking that maybe I am wrong about you. But that wouldn't change the fact that I still like you. Yes, I still do. But It hurts.
x
You both didn't talk for months up to now actually, you blocked her in all of your social media accounts. I understand why you have to do that. She can be so... I can't think of a word but she posts a lot of things. Posts saying she got over you already but a few minutes later she says she misses you. That could be frustrating. I understand you in that part.
Now, back to real time, one of our friends said that she was living a fairy tale dream That she don't know how to handle relationships in real life. Well, that could be true but her past isn't considered. Did you ever asked yourself as to why is she acting like she did? Well, maybe not because you broke up with her in an instant. Without thinking that maybe you could fix her. Maybe you didn't love her deep enough to do that. That's the sad part. Love and being in a relationship doesn't mean that if you are tired, you would give up. You could slap me and say I don't know what I am talking about but did you ever consider staying? Because if you did love her enough, you would.
I realized why I am so heartbroken as I write this. It is because of you. What if. I am not thinking that it is possible but what if, I am to be in a relationship with you, and I am broken, you wouldn't fix me. Because maybe you would give up. And now I am thinking that maybe I am wrong about you. But that wouldn't change the fact that I still like you. Yes, I still do. But It hurts.
x
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