Now, I will talk about being a grade conscious person.
I was once a grade conscious student. The first reason is that I am trained to have high grades. I am always expected to have high grades.
My mother said, when I was young, I am such a slow learner. I am always behind and I am always picking up the lessons last. I believed her. Her solution was to teach me every single day. I was not allowed to play after school, I can only play during weekends. Her way of teaching was scary for a child. She would yell at me when I don't get the lesson. She would sometimes hit me. No breaks until you get it. There is something that I will never forget. She always use her index finger and pierce it in my temple. She would always do that as if her index finger has all the information I need to know and when she placed it on my temple, I would instantly get it. I remember how I cried when she does that. And when I cry, she would only get more mad. One time, because my mother has long nails, my head bled. She was scolded by my godmother, and she never did it again. But I was still scared. That is why I am closer to my father when I was young. He would understand if I don't get high grades.
I realized when I was older that I am not a slow learner. How am I a slow learner when I got very high grades in pre - school. My mom? No. She just forced me. It was me and my teachers. I realized that my mom did that just to force me to study because I should be great. Because of my dad. I now get it. In order to keep my Dad, she made sure that we, her kids, should be something that my father should be proud of. Because it is we who could let my mother keep our father in our home.
I remember graduating pre-school as top 1. I remember giving my graduation speech. When I was in grade 1, my mother focused more on my brother and less on me. I was second in class when I finished grade 1. My mother was furious. She thinks that I deserve to be the top 1. She argued with the administration, I was young so I didn't really care. As a result, my top 1 classmate, transferred to another school.
In grade 3, I was tutored and my mother fully focused on my brother. She did to him what she did to me. I was sad for my brother, but thought that my brother and I often fight so I am also happy. I was a child okay? Don't judge.
Up until grade 5, I was the top 1. I was always the president of the class, teachers are really expecting too much from me. I liked the feeling before but now, to think of it, I hate it. I was not taught that grades are only numbers. That It will not matter when I go to high school.
I graduated in second place when I was in elementary. I felt disappointed of myself but I was proud because I get to enter a science high school. I didn't choose to be there. My parents wanted me to enter there. It was not easy. The pressure of keeping my grades high was too much because if my average goes lower than 85, I would get kicked out. I did get a line of 7, I cried. I cried because of low grades. Especially in first year since I was used to getting higher grades.
As I get to the higher years of high school, I didn't really care if I get low grades. What's important is that I pass and graduate. That was during high school. When I go to college. I was grade conscious again because of the first year cut off. I got high grades until the second semester of fourth year.
In college, being hard working i not enough. sometimes, your grade depends on your professor., whether s/he likes you or not, or maybe if s/he gives high grades or not. But my family doesn't understand that. They compare me to my best friend. I am an architecture student. She is a medical technology student. How can you compare our grades? I hated my mother for it.
My family fall in to pieces when I was in fourth year college. My education was at stake because of financial problems. My Mom lose all of our money because of gambling, that is why my parents no longer talk. I am now forced to apply for a scholarship. It was hard getting all the requirements, all the going back and forth to the office of student affairs, all the interviews, but I was accepted immediately because I have high grades and they saw that I really need it. Now, I have to maintain my grades.
I thought it was easy to maintain it, I just need to be lucky in my professors.
In one semester I was lucky, I got high grades than expected. But during the second semester, I was not lucky. One professor hates me or maybe she just make up and guess her student's grades. She gave me a 3.0. I am not allowed to have a 3.0. I don't know. I feel like 3.0 is really my grade because I know I didn't give my all and I know I can do better but I don't deserve to get that low of a grade.
I asked my professor if I could make up for my grade and she said no as the semester is already over. I asked for the breakdown of my grades because I needed to explain how I got that kind of grade and she gave it to me only to find that I was late in some submittal that none of my block mates even know about. I was not late I know. I always presented early and do my tasks immediately. So, I told her that and still she believes in what she believes. She said I should not say that I was not late because I AM late. For goodness sake I have my blockmates as my witnesses. And so I said, I will direct my concern to the dean's office if we will not come to an understanding because I don't really deserve the grade. Now(I think she thought it through since it will not be the first time she will be called at the dean's office because of issues similar to mine), she gave me a chance to improve my paper so that she can change my grades. I did improve my paper and submitted it to her, she talked to my mom about the grade and I still don't have news about it up to now.
Now I am pressured again to work hard for my grades because I need to keep my scholarship. I hate the thought that because of my parents I need to be pressured to keep my grades high. When now I know that grades doesn't matter in the future, that you don't need to be grade conscious all the time, and that you need to relax and have fun studying in order to learn something.
Real world doesn't care about your grades, it cares about what you have learned.
It's not that I want being grade conscious, It's just that I need to be one.
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